A Letter to Every Woman Who Is Struggling Thru a Difficult Relationship

Are you experiencing challenges in your relationship? Do you often argue? Do you hesitate to express your thoughts? Does every disagreement feel like it could lead to a breakup?

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Many women find themselves feeling insecure and anxious in their relationships, often accepting this turmoil as the norm because they’ve never known anything healthier.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. If you've begun to question whether your troubled relationship is genuinely worth saving, you're in the right place. You might be realizing that what you’ve cherished may be too damaged to repair. Even if you have love for him, and he feels the same, it doesn’t guarantee that you're destined to stay together.

If your relationship is dragging you down and you’re unsure about continuing, I've penned a letter specifically for you.

**A Letter to Every Woman Navigating a Tough Relationship**

I'm finding it tough in my relationship. After 3.5 years together, I feel like something vital is lacking. This is the first relationship I've had, and he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. We argue during every significant milestone—each of our anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, you name it. It’s always something. A major concern for me is our infrequent intimacy. At 27 and 28, we barely have sex—maybe once a month, if I’m lucky. He claims it’s due to our frequent arguments, saying that he struggles to feel attracted during those times. This deeply impacts me. Whenever I attempt to address it, he either brushes me off or ignores my concerns.

Additionally, we still live with his parents. I constantly ask when we’ll move out, but he remains uncertain. He’s always complaining about his job, yet refuses to take actionable steps to change his situation—no job hunting, no aiming for a promotion. Recently, I inquired about his aspirations, and he said he has none.

I’ve started to see all these issues more clearly since I met someone new at work, who immediately caught my eye. He’s ambitious, driven, and genuinely appealing. I've developed a crush on him, and he confided in a friend that he likes me and is willing to wait.

I’m torn. I love my boyfriend and appreciate everything his family has done for me, yet my needs aren’t being fulfilled, and I long for more. Is it typical to feel this way? I wonder if I might ruin something potentially good by pursuing something better.

Ren

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**Dear Ren,**

This isn’t what you want. There’s something greater out there. Now go find it.

Since that’s all I have to say on that topic – genuinely, that’s it – I want to extend this post to address other readers grappling with tough relationships.

Currently, I have letters from women involved with these men:

**Bachelor #1:** “He lost his job weeks ago and now seems distant, stating he wants space. He’s unsure about marriage, and while we once met 2-3 times a week, it’s now down to once a week.”

**Bachelor #2:** “He’s sometimes shy and hot and cold. He takes hours to reply, despite reading my messages. He’s vague and not particularly affectionate, stating he doesn’t feel romantic but still visits me occasionally. It feels like he’s keeping me on hold.”

**Bachelor #3:** “It’s been a year, yet he hasn’t introduced his children, which raises concerns. He’s already expressed no interest in remarrying.”

**Bachelor #4:** “He cheated on me, lied about it, and only told me six months after we broke up. Now we’re back together, but he’s deceiving me regarding past encounters with a close friend.”

**Bachelor #5:** “He’s stopped trying and seems indifferent during intimacy. I wish he could meet all my needs—intellectually and emotionally. I'm unsure if I should just end things or fight for what we have.”

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I don’t publish these letters because, honestly, what more can be said?

Every woman mentions that he's a good guy, her best friend, that they’re in love, trying their best, and reluctant to walk away.

And what do they receive in return?

Relationships with selfish, emotionally detached, unethical, and commitment-shy men who only lead to unhappiness.

Well, I’m tired of it.

If you feel compelled to write to me seeking advice about your unique guy in your complicated situation, spare yourself the trouble.

I’ve shared five excerpts from women who, despite knowing better, seem committed to living lives that don’t fulfill them.

If you find yourself in this dilemma, don’t write to me.

Change your reality.

Nothing is holding you back.

Not your love for him. Not your history together. Not even any children involved.

If you can’t trust your boyfriend…

If you doubt your boyfriend’s commitment…

If intimacy is lacking…

If your visions of the future don’t align…

If overall happiness is absent…

Despite any love shared or efforts made…

DUMP HIM.

Let’s be clear: if you had a car that only started half the time, you wouldn’t hesitate to buy a new one.

Your struggles with him would INSTANTLY disappear.

Of course, you may feel scared or lonely. But you would eliminate the main issue plaguing your happiness: a disappointing partner.

Once you've freed yourself from this energy drain, you can reinvent your life with someone better in a more fulfilling relationship.

One that is nurturing, supportive, and enjoyable.

One that doesn’t require Googling solutions or asking a dating coach for help.

One that feels simply EASY.

The truth is: healthy relationships require effort, like nurturing a garden, but they shouldn't feel like a grueling job or a battleground.

Most letters I receive are from women entangled in relationships that need to end. They don’t require counseling; they need new partners.

Yet, these women are paralyzed by the fear of change—the fear of being alone, the fear of re-entering the dating scene, the fear that this may be as good as it gets.

It’s not. If it were, you wouldn’t be unhappy and reaching out to me.

Face reality: if you had a car that sputtered half the time, you wouldn't hesitate to buy another.

But in relationships that don’t satisfy you, you justify staying because, “relationships take work.”

That’s a cop-out and an easy excuse to remain in an unhappy state.

You can always talk yourself into staying.

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“He’s genuinely trying to earn back my trust.”

“We have so much history.”

“What about finances? What about the children?”

“I’m not perfect either!”

“He’s promised to improve.”

Trust what I’ve witnessed—good relationships are effortless.

If your relationship isn’t easy, it’s time to reconsider.

It’s time to seek better.

Click here to learn more about how to make that